Day 084

Dear dreamer,
Live with it 

I remember the first time someone attacked a flaw of mine, the anxiety I felt is something I knew right away that I don't want to live my life experiencing. I had the right intention but ended up doing the wrong thing still. My approach was to hide the entirety of who I am so no one would see me nor my flaws. It's not as difficult as it might seem especially if you are introverted already. By the time I realised how wrong that was, so much damage had been done. I was a ghost, no one really knew who I was or could understand me even when I desperately wished they would. I think the part that devastated me was the fact that no one could trust me. Who would trust a ghost, someone who hid so much of themselves, someone who was not known.

At first, I felt very frustrated and took it another wrong further. I call it 'wrong' because I was not correcting what I had done. I declared war on humanity. I called them dangerous and not reliable or trustworthy which was not entirely wrong. I took the loner's path and started to disconnect from people till I became so comfortable when people are not around me and their presence could be a bother. This started to affect my relationship with the few that are left. I had to correct it even though I did not know how or what exactly I was to do.

However, there was something I did right as time went on. This allowed me the opportunity to salvage as much as I can and navigate a little bit more than I did previously. It has to do with two of the main challenges all of humanity face when dealing with each other- shame and trust. You share shame and trust each other. To be continued...

Don't forget, you can not afford to get anything wrong, it's your one chance to live your dreams.


                   ~A Penniless Dreamer

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