Day 079

Dear dreamer,

A new hobby

I have a fear that plague me constantly. In fact, I think I always had it and it worsened with each step I took over time. The fear of being nothing than a hype. It's not as though I do not have faith in me. Maybe I do, maybe not. It's just a constant feeling of not being enough. This inspired me to forge more until I became and still becoming someone who almost desperately tries to add value every day. A lot of it has been heightened by the little moments where I learnt that failure has no respect for how much work you put in. It's just one of the things we learn to cope with everyday so, I end up trying to add so much hoping that one day, it will all add up to be enough but that day remains far from sight. 

More surprising is that I am learning that the day might never come and it simply does not matter whether it does or not. Even with all of this, I am a big deal where I come from. I am a source of inspiration to many people. They all strive to be able to work as much as I do, maybe one day, they will feel achieved or I might end up drawing so much gap that they might never fill. This is the source of my new hobby. They think I am so great and I deal with being enough every day. I have to let them understand that they are to pursue being their own person, becoming the best version of themselves. It has nothing to do with what or who I am. They could learn important traits like hard work, resilience, brilliance and other good habits but nothing else about me is so great.

I want them to strive to be who they want to be with boldness and live without the fear of not being enough. This is our chance to live our dreams after all. Living with the constant feeling to be something or someone more can be exhausting but it is my life. Maybe there is chance for a change, maybe not.


                        ~A Penniless Dreamer

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 001

Dear dreamer, Thoughts and more Thoughts... This is not your typical 'my life story'- only it possesses elements of it. The most daring thing about this is that I am just going with the flow (whatever that means) . I know not what the end will be, only dare hope it is good just like I think. Everyone always say "Dream" and it is only so hard to do so. They never tell you about the hopelessness in dreaming when you are penniless- which is the initial state of every dreamer. They do not want to discourage you so they omit it from every literature or maybe it is just difficult to describe which is what I want to describe so you can almost feel it... For any dreamer who is a vast reader and learner, the best way to start is to borrow wisdom from from great writers and people who have trailed this path before. From all I could gather, one stood painfully practical; 'Do not focus on what you do not have...but what you need  and find your way to it using what you have...
Read more

Day 002

Dear dreamer,  Questions...lots of questions Lethargy...I could literally feel it like a gentle caress lulling me back to comfort-very deceptively destructive state. I started the long, arduous process of shaking it off simply because I have this one chance to live my dreams and I won't screw it up as far as it is up to me.  I started the day wondering if my ideas were good. There were a lot of questions;  Can I pull it off?  I might need help so I called out to my close confidant. I read about something called a kitchen cabinet- it is a couple of people that are literally your guide rails. They keep you accountable, you can ask them questions about anything. Well, they are supposed to be comforting enough yet honest to call you up on your faults without mincing words. I started building mine then so I reached out to the one who I can say is the chief of my cabinet. I ran the ideas by him, he did not have much of an opinion just a lot of questions about the idea and ...
Read more

Day 004

  Dear dreamer,  Life Of A Penniless Dreamer I don't know about others but being idle makes me so uncomfortable. Like, I must always be doing something valuable, meaningful, something that is felt but, as it was, I was just waking up in the past few days to nothing but absolute emptiness. Of course, I did some mundane chore but it moved nothing so I was dissatisfied and wondering what exactly I could do- something effortless enough but impactful. Not like I did not have things to do, in fact I had deadlines to meet but I was in low spirits so I had no motivation nor intention and I have learnt to not force some things. Quality dwindles. Poor quality with so much effort. There is something I do from time to time, no fixed time frame but I just organise it as it feels. It's a self-reflection exercise. During the exercise, I just simply review all of my plans and see how much progress I made- sometimes it is depressing, other times it lifts my spirit. It's just to make sure I ...
Read more