Day 062

 Dear dreamer,

Old  scares

Sometimes, our existence is simply an avenue to grow past some demons. It's all part of growing, evolving. The little things that haunt you have to at some point become a hilarious joke. We are only allowed to be afraid of scare crows for a while. Sooner or later, it is supposed to become something we poke at and laugh at how silly and ridiculous it is. That's how I was scared of disappointing people who expected so much of me for many years. It grew from mild to severe in no time that a lot of my actions were about what people would expect from me not what it should be. 

I became terrified of letting people see me. I constantly, intentionally downplay myself because I am scared of one more person mounting pressure on me. This is one of the reasons why faking it is very scary. I don't fake it but people see what they see. Before you go ahead thinking that it is advantageous, imagine been told every minute what amount of potential you have, even without seeing your ambitions- dying, surviving, fighting, living to see another day. They make you seem like a superhuman even though you face challenges like every other person and you can complain about it and the more you struggle to meet up, the more tasks you are asked to do. 

I was living a life where I was not allowed to be tired or weak. For the first time, I spoke back at another person who pointed out 'so much potential'. I have weaknesses. I am not special because I am  willing to go an extra mile when others choose not to. I can not continue to live in the oppression of pressure caused by people who underestimate the amount of work and pressure I live under. 

I will live life at my own pace after all, I only get this chance to do that. 


                                ~A Penniless Dreamer

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