Day 040

Dear dreamer,

Discipline...who am I kidding?

You know, there are a lot of ways to apply discipline on paper- make your itinerary list everyday and work towards completing it. This gives you a sense of time accountability and helps you to manage your time effectively. I have been trying this out and so far, it's not the best I could do but it was something.

Now, I have a day job that takes up my time (so sad...) so, I have to be stricter with my schedule but I still remained unsure of what was really very important to me but I knew I needed money so, I was back to how would I make money but I had a job. Not a very fancy one in fact, I was not very fond of it but it was for the money and I did not exactly have much choice except doing it. 

Discipline was better but there was something missing. Discipline does not happen by error or mistake. There is usually a driver and all of the magic starts in your head. Purpose drives discipline. If you have no purpose, living a life that is disciplined would be hard and that was the problem. I did not have that 'purpose'. I was in a place where I was asking myself a lot of questions because, I did not exactly trust my judgement. I was oblivious, in fact the only thing I knew was that I was confused and did not exactly know what it was that I was doing and to what end? I keep asking myself what I want because after trying to draw something up, it felt inadequate. Like it's not enough and I did not exactly know what 'enough' was so I was practically disconnected in my quest for answers. Mentally, I was non-existent so what am I supposed to be disciplined enough for?

This requires extra effort from me to follow my schedule on nothing but I just have to do something. The key to finding opportunities is restlessness so that is what I was doing in a nutshell after all, I only get one chance to do this.


                            ~A Penniless Dreamer

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