Day 026

 Dear dreamer,

Impostor

This week is the last chance I have for product 1. I was already way behind schedule and truth of the matter is, part of the conditions that has hindered me up to this point is (I'm penniless still). Due to this, I have tried to change the plan around a couple of times but there was always a glitch somewhere and I was slowing down on product 2. Is the team ready? Nope. Did I even have someone in my mind? No. It just feels like I was finally doing the one thing I dreaded in my existence- settling. I was beginning to settle into what life threw at me. 

Not that we are supposed to fight life, but we are supposed to navigate it convincingly. We are certain that life was going to just give out anything it wishes, not always what we will necessarily need. We are to take what is given to us and produce something unpredictably beautiful out of it and I was very sure I was doing anything except that. I was not fighting for more. It just felt like my life was all too complacent and easy. I was not getting anything worthwhile out of it. I can not seem to capture myself into living outside of the ordinary life. This is definitely not me. 

I was here struggling with this stranger I was becoming. I should not have accepted this person when it was creeping in but it just felt much too relieving- like a breath of fresh air after holding your breath for way too long. Now, I have another fight for the next few days till I get back to the seat of commitment. Commitment to living a life worth it. After all, I had this one chance to do this. I was however trying to substitute product 1 to work on other projects. Truth is, I had other things to do an it was harder to squeeze any of this into my schedule in recent times. Hmm...

No pennies yet. Let's see what happens next.


                                ~A Penniless Dreamer       

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