Day 003

 Dear dreamer, 

Nothing Yet?...

Exactly! Knowing what to do is quite a painful distance from doing it. I knew what I had to do-explicit steps in fact but that did not remove the challenges of doing it though it seems to me that the challenges were better suited to be 'excuses'. Obviously, they are not exactly easy but they are not insurmountable but I just laid in my bed, later wandered around with this 'to-do' list in my head. I picked up my laptop to do it but the lack of motivation made me loose interest at the slightest discomfort.

A little background story, I am not exactly at my best state. In fact, I am engaging in berating myself more than I have done in five years or so. It is a kind of 'down moment' for me. I have all of this dreams in my head, have this timeline, have a quarter goal and so many things all of which I am failing at as far as evaluations go and I keep thinking- This is your one chance to do this...you can not afford to screw it up but another part of me is too caught up in a series of events to be moved by any of it and I am just riding a real low. Of course, recent events had messed it all up and I knew I had to work through all of it on my own.

Sometimes, it's nice to have people around in this kind of situations, helpful people though- not just anyone but my best advice is;

Whatever you are going through, walk right through it. Feel everything you are feeling, they are supposed to mould you in some kind of way and make you better. Do not try to dodge or skip the process because it's difficult or uncomfortable and that's one of my biggest secret recipe to building resilience (only- it's not secret). 

Your ability to keep getting up when hit, depends a lot on how much tough skin you have amassed. Tough skin only grows when you go through and experience tough situations. 

It is also paramount that you understand that willpower is not always on will-call. What that means is that sometimes, you will be in the lows and you just do your best while you ride till you fly into the high once again. 

One thing I did was to bear in mind what I had to do while actively searching for windows that my mind can squeeze through and perform. At least, I did not panic about how I was feeling. I acknowledged it and actively sought out solutions. That requires a lot of practice honestly and keep reminding yourself that it's not good but it's fine that way too. Something in line of it's okay to not be okay. 

Alright! we'll leave it at that. Shall we?...

(Don't ask about the penny made...Alright. None was made)


                        ~A Penniless Dreamer 

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